Cost

“Responsibility means recognizing both pleasure and price, action and consequence, then making a choice.” — Dan Millman

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There’s a word most people don’t want to be associated with.

It sounds sharp. Dangerous. Maybe even wrong. But try building anything that matters without it.

In 1961, psychologist Arnold Buss described two kinds of aggression. One hostile, driven by anger and meant to hurt. The other instrumental and driven by purpose. This doesn’t come with rage, but intention. A response, not reaction. This is focused energy that is not violent but has no apologies for pursuit.

Be a good partner. Raise strong kids. Build something that matters. That takes aggression.

Aggression in the service of love.
Aggression in the pursuit of truth.
Aggression in the protection of what matters.

It’s not just helpful, it’s required.

The word relentless resonates with me too. But like grit or resilience, it feels safe. If you call someone resilient that is usually a compliment. It means you show up, don’t quit, take the pain and move anyway. That’s necessary, but not the full story. And not enough.

Sometimes, banging your head against an obstacle doesn’t move it. Maybe that’s when the relentless call on aggression.Not recklessness. Risk. Attack.

Call someone aggressive and most of the world flinches. And maybe that’s the point. Fitting in feels safe and that’s why most people do it. Safety in numbers. But you risk getting stuck in someone else’s discomfort. And that can keep you small.

Show me a parent whose child is threatened or sick. Or a parent of a child with special needs. They won’t just endure. They’ll fight. They’ll be relentless, yes. But they’ll also get sharp. Fast.

Because when something truly matters, you don’t wait. It’s resolve fueled by a kind of impatient patience. The kind that acts.

Or think about the neighbor who loads up a truck and drives 500 miles after a hurricane to help people they’ve never met. That’s not persistence or grit, that’s aggressive action.

What’s the cost of worrying about someone else’s label

Probably a lot. More than I’m willing to pay.

You’ve seen it used well. Steady. Unassuming. But when it’s time, they move with something stronger than relentlessness. Something that penetrates the problem and is hard to ignore.

When it’s paired with humility, it becomes something rare. A kind of aggressive humility.

It’s the willingness to pursue what matters without needing the spotlight. A confidence that doesn’t posture. It’s not about proving something. It’s about finding the right way, not their way.

It’s about results.

I’ve worked with people like that. I’m married to one. I think we might be raising a few.

To do something that counts, you’ll need to be aggressive. With intention. Not emotion.

And without apology.

Take care, friend. Be good.

—Kelly