The Beauty of Looking Foolish
No. 83 - Epictetus' Wisdom: Taking Control of Your Emotions, Reactions, and Reality
Hi friends,
A couple dozen quotes from Epictetus made their way into a journal entry three years ago. That entry resurfaced this week, and I wanted to share a few.
Want progress? Be content to look foolish.
“If you wish to make progress, you must be content in external matters to seem a fool and a simpleton.”
How would I be different if I had opened myself up to everyone and everything as my teacher 20 or 30 years ago? I can’t do anything about that now. What is exciting is what will the next 20 or 30 years bring if I can have the humility to look foolish and recognize everyone is my teacher.
Speak less, listen more. Everyone has a lesson for me. Everyone. The worst mistake I can make is to become inflexible in what I believe. Your ego is often the biggest obstacle in your progress and your relationships.
Our feelings are made by us, not others.
“No one shall harm you without your consent; you will only be harmed when you think you are harmed.”
We get upset by what people say and do. We get mad, angry, and frustrated. Everyone has their own life, their struggles, and their own stories. Very few people intend to say and do things that hurt us. Like you, they are icebergs. We only see a small piece of their reality.
We understand little of how they got here, what they are fighting through today, and what terrifies them. They are just doing their best, and their conscious or subconscious actions are worth more forgiveness than most of us give by default. And we can’t forget they don’t cause our feelings. Our feelings are made by us, not them.
Will it matter in five years?
“Know then that when your own cup is broken, you ought to behave in the same way as when your neighbor's was broken.”
We can see across our neighbor’s lawn with objectivity. But when our cup breaks, we struggle to apply the same objectivity. Almost everything gets better with an outside perspective. We should lean on our neighbors to help us see reality. Even better, slow down enough to know the truth and understand what we can control and can’t. We should spend zero time thinking about things we can’t control and all our time on what we can.
Considerations:
Want progress? Be content to look foolish.
Make space between their action and your reaction.
If you can fix the cup, fix it. If you can’t, stop worrying. Move on. It’s usually just a cup. Will it matter in five years?
Take care,
Keep Going:
“Living Outside The Deceptions of the Modern Life”
Listen now (6 mins) | Coffee and A Lion Tracker’s Guide to Life is how I started 2023. This was my second time through this little gem of pithy prose. The Premise Boyd Varty grew up on a game preserve in South Africa. His grandfather converted a bankrupt cattle ranch into a lion-hunting enterprise. Spoiler alert: the lions were eating the cattle. His father would do the righ…
Ego deflation and don’t take yourself too seriously. Good stuff.
More ideas for ways to look foolish- take an in-person class on a new topic, start a new job, learn a new sport. Thank you for sharing these reminders!