Condition Setting

No. 188

“This dinner plate costs $1,000, so we are careful,” I said with a bit of a smirk to my new teammate.

Amo, short for Amoniel, was setting up the dining room.
He was about five and half feet tall.
He had the brightest smile.
You could feel his goodness.
I still can 20 years later.

By the time we arrived each day, Amo would have the dining room perfect.
Built in 1896, the hand painted ceilings towered over the ironed white table cloths and polished water glasses.

The stakes were high for us.
We were on a mission to win the coveted Five Star award for our restaurant.
That would make us one of 11 in the country.

My boss was tough. I’d see him coming across the dining room. My stomach would tighten. You know the feeling.

He always found something wrong. It didn’t matter how hard we worked, how many times we checked, he’d find it. And if you really messed it up, an F-bomb or two might drop.

We were trying to do something difficult.
It meant every day there were problems.
Sometimes they were my fault.
Usually, they were just part of building something.
Either way, we’d work to solve it.
We didn’t always agree.
But we both wanted to find the right way, not have our way.

Over time, that tightness went away. Instead, a little jolt. I was glad to see him. The difference? Trust.
I knew that his intensity was about us winning.
Trust isn’t just earned, it’s felt.

He always showed up. Every time I needed counsel, a coffee, or help solving hard problems, he was there. In words and action. We got it wrong often, but he also saw when it went right. I never wanted to let him down. He got the best out of us. He created an environment that enabled us to go after the things that motivated us, and I knew he was there to help us win.

He’d drop little bits of wisdom. Like,

“You can’t motivate people. You can only remind them of what motivates them.”

When I repeat it today, it’s met with a wrinkled brow of disagreement. Or squinted eyes that say “tell me more.” People often confuse motivation and inspiration.

Motivation is why you do it. Money, mission, ego, experience, excitement. Those spark the emotional fuel that makes you act.

Emotions are how we interpret the world. One person reads something in the news and feels pride and joy. Same article, different person feels outrage, anger, and disgust. No one can make you feel anything. That’s yours.

Inspiration expands what we believe is possible. A few years ago I got to meet a personification of possible: Kyle Carpenter.

He was a Marine in Helmand Province in 2010. When a grenade landed between him and another Marine, Kyle jumped on it. He absorbed the blast. Lost an eye, mangled arms, collapsed lung, endured 40 surgeries. He was 21.

As I talked to him I was struck. The guy I was talking to was happy, optimistic, caring, and locked in on me. He was showing me that bad things happen in life, but it is possible to fight through almost anything. To live the way you want. It’s a decision. I imagine not all of Kyle’s days are great. I bet his nights can be rough. But he’s in the fight. He’s showing us what is possible.

You don’t have to be a Medal of Honor winner to be inspiring. You inspire authenticity by being authentic. Truth-telling by seeking and telling the truth. Trust by trusting. The best way to expand someone’s belief of what’s possible is to show them with action. And help them set the conditions to make it reality.

Conditions Setting

Like station wagons, greenhouses were a special part of my childhood. Walking down long rows with my mother. The smell of green, dirt under my nails, the tidy stacks of dirty pots, the fuzz of the misters three rows over. Temperature just right. Humidity too. The air felt like life.

Leaders understand that most of their job is condition setting. Clarity of mission, vision, expectations, resources and culture. The balance of autonomy and accountability. The right amount of pressure that delivers excellence but stops short of fear.

While the plants in those rows mostly need the same thing, each of us is different. Different histories, realities, motivations, resilience, skills, reasons for being here. We have hopes, dreams, strengths, fears, doubts, and insecurities. To ignore that is foolish and dangerous. To understand that is how you help people, and teams, win.

That tough boss I mentioned, today he is a friend. He taught me that leadership isn’t just about making people feel a certain way or giving them a why. While that’s helpful, what matters more is creating the conditions where they can do that themselves. He never made it about him. It was about us. He was part of us.

We didn’t win the Five Star award. I know we were close. But we did win the Five Diamond award. That made us one of 51 restaurants in the country. Not bad. He was a big part of making that happen.

That was one of the best teams I’ve ever been a part of. I can still hear the click of the heat lamp as the chef turns it on. He looks up at me, a rare smile, then walks behind the line. The glance from a teammate across the room in the shadows. The almost indistinguishable nod to the table we needed to clear. The words that didn’t need to be said. That team worked. And we won. The conditions were right.

Take care. Be good.

-Kelly