"In complete solitude, I stop objectifying myself. In the bush, I don’t think of myself on some social hierarchy. I don’t define my value as a comparison with others. The birds and animals don’t judge me. It’s a kind of healing in which I become human again. In complete solitude, we are not a concept of ourselves; we are ourselves."
(Boyd Varty, The Lion Tracker's Guide to Life)
Hi friend,
What would life be like if you weren’t afraid of people’s opinions? What if you didn’t care if anyone liked you?
As far back as I can remember, I’ve cared what people think about me. I know I’m not alone, and I’m sure Freud would link it to something in my childhood. The alcoholism that seemed to be everywhere I looked? My weight as a kid? The run-down rental trailer we lived in? Whatever the reason, I care. There is good news.
My friends, therapy, and 46 laps around the sun have made this less of an issue. My ego gets smaller. I ask more questions and make fewer statements.
Starting this year, as part of my work self-review, I wrote this as a guide to where I wanted to grow the most.
“Despite my confidence level, I still worry about what people think of me (not much, but it's there 🙃). I worry that people will judge me. I have lots of stories that I tell myself. Most of them are old. Some are true, most not. Moving past what the world wants me to be in my career and life may unlock the real me and help me find my potential. Give less, you know whats 🥷. Be honest with yourself. Do what's right. Let it all play out 😈.”
Do I want people to like me? Of course. Do I want people to think I’m competent? Yes. Am I hopeful that my actions help people find their potential? Yes. Do I need those words of affirmation anymore? No.
A friend shared a filter that is helpful for me on this journey. When you are making a decision, ask yourself:
"How would your decision change if you didn’t care what people thought about you? And you weren’t worried if they like you?”
When would you say no? Who and what would no longer be a part of your life? What would you do for a living? How does your ego influence your decisions?
It's worth the internal dialogue in your decision-making process. Even if you can't get to the point where you make decisions as if you don't care what people think, try to move a little closer to being fearless. I'm not there yet, but my gut says the right life, and people will be waiting.
Take care, Kelly
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FOPO Decision Filter