"The deliberate envisioning of loss supplies the perspective necessary to appreciate the gifts in your life because you can only truly understand how something is serving you once you know both its presence and its absence."
-David Cain
Do you get sick often? Once a year? Four times a year? Every couple of years? I don’t know about you, but I hate being sick. Sore throat, headache, whatever. The demands of my life, most of them at my own doing, don’t leave much room for me to curl up and wait it out. I suspect your life is the same way. The work won’t get done, the kids won’t get fed, and the support your humans need won’t happen if you embark on a 72-hour NyQuil siesta. As tempting as that might be.
I don’t get sick often. Maybe once a year. It’s during that time that Princess Buttercup exhibits unprecedented patience. I also find myself rolling this quote over in my head.
“A healthy person wants 1,000 things. An unhealthy person wants one thing.”
I wake up grumpy for those three days, wanting it to end. I don’t wake up on the other 362 days thinking, “I’m not sick today. It’s going to be great.”
We are good at grieving. When we lose something or someone, we notice it and suffer. We see it. We fail to recognize the 947 days in a row that the hot water worked each morning. Or the sixty thousand miles your car had driven without a flat or the five years straight, even when it was negative seven. When’s the last time you sent the power company a note saying, “Thank you so much, the power works today.” I know I’m quick to tell them when it doesn’t.
It’s easier to see what’s gone than what is here.
I’m not here to extol the benefits of being grateful or lecture you on being present. While I think both are valuable, I struggle with them too. There are things and people we deeply appreciate, bring us joy or help us find our potential. Envision their absence because one day, they will be gone. Seeing a life without them will help you appreciate your life with them. It might be worth telling them while they can still hear you.
Two Ideas To Consider
On Things: Find one thing in your life today that, if it were gone, would make you sad or less comfortable. Wi-fi, hot water, whatever. Take a deliberate moment and text yourself why it’s important. The texture of your favorite coffee mug, that big screen you watch your favorite show on, or that folding chair you drag to your kid’s soccer game.
On People: If you know someone well enough to know their birthday, they’re likely important to you. Use that day to tell them what they mean to you and why they are a special part of your life. We don’t have to get all sappy, but make it specific, real, and meaningful. Let’s celebrate their impact on the world. And there’s no reason you have to wait till their birthday either.
Take care,
I Don't Get Sick Often