"Having eyes, but not seeing beauty; having ears, but not hearing music; having minds, but not perceiving truth; having hearts that are never moved and therefore never set on fire. These are the things to fear, said the headmaster." (Tetsuko Kuroyanagi, Totto-Chan)
The table was glass with dimples and a metal frame. The ones from my childhood —a cheap table on a patio, and we were almost in the parking lot. We were in a small village with surprisingly good food, but the company was better. Just family around this table. People that bring it every day. The good, the bad, the joy, the laughs, and that we-can-face-anything-together attitude. You can count on them to show up when it matters. They are the ones you lean on when the zombies come, whether they’re real or imagined.
I glanced at my phone with some guilt, and my eyes settled on a subject line: “Sad News to Share.”
We lost a teammate at work. She was sick, but we didn’t know how sick. She didn’t tell us it was terminal, and knowing her, that makes sense. She wouldn’t want to bother us. She was so incredibly kind and fearless. She was a tough city lady with twin boys who are severely autistic. She was always so happy, and her hugs so warm. Now she’s gone.
Moments Matter
I believe that life is just the moments we string together. Some noticed, some missed, others ignored. The sunrises and the sunsets. The big moons and the no moons. The baby giggles and wonderful drools. And the hugs and the hellos. Or catching your person with that, I-remember-why-I-married-you look and falling asleep holding their hand.
There is little to fear except missing the moments that matter because you are too busy being scared by your imagination.
We all move through life, working through our problems and triumphs. While our spectrums vary, we each require nudges of encouragement to remind us of our specialness. These nudges bump us toward the next smile, through our despair, and into the light. My friend was that light. She never failed to make me feel special - every time. I’ll never forget her example, not because of what she did, but what she didn’t do. She didn’t complain, although she had every reason to. She smiled, and she showed up for all of us.
That warm smile says, “I see you.” Sometimes, all we want is to be seen. To be acknowledged. Those ripples might help someone face another day at school, find the courage to tell someone they are sorry and save a relationship, or decide that this life is worth living.
Let’s hold the doors, remember the birthdays, send the smiles, and realize that everyone is suffering. That’s why we should be kind. Not because it’s on a t-shirt or a Subaru but because that human you passed on aisle four on your way to get raisin bread needs it. You might never know why but know they are suffering somehow.
Fear the moments you miss and the kindness you keep. You don’t get a second chance.
Here’s some action: Scroll to the end of your text messages. All the way, there is an end. Find someone down there that you haven’t texted in a while and let them know you are thinking of them. They find two more people and do the same. That little note might be the light they need today.
Hug your humans and take care,
The NY Times wrote this about our friend a few years ago. Rest easy, friend.
I'll See You On Aisle 4