“Our stupidity may be clearly proved by the fact that we hold that “buying” refers only to the objects for which we pay cash, and we regard as free gifts the things for which we spend our very selves. We are eager to attain them at the cost of anxiety, danger, lost honor, personal freedom, and time; so true it is that each man regards nothing as cheaper than himself.”
-Seneca
Alonzo Fields was President Harry Truman’s butler, and he said, speaking of the President, “he never seemed to have a problem, and no one could tell when something was troubling him.”
The issues that landed on President Truman’s desk were not easy ones. The easy problems get handled before they hit a leader’s desk. His choices were usually between awful and cataclysmic. That’s not conjecture. It’s a fact. After all, he was the one who decided to drop the first atomic weapon on mainland Japan instead of invading - two impossible choices.
Truman was not the pure example of equanimity that Mr. Fields described. There were documented moments of losing his temper and being unhappy, but those were few and didn’t last long. I’m fortunate to be close to several humans who move quickly through dark places and back into the light. I work with some, and I live with some. I have deep respect for those abilities. It’s inspiring.
We talk about happiness a lot. Do what makes you happy? Does that make you happy? I’m happy. I’m not happy. I’m happy if you are happy. Are you happy?
Here’s the problem with happiness: we can manufacture happiness pretty quickly. A bowl of Cherry Garcia. That’s happiness. The sweet chocolate bouncing against the subtle tartness of the cherries. All of this is wrapped by the silky vanilla wonderfulness that I imagine originated in Madagascar under the watchful eye of a troop of ring-tailed lemurs. Put me outside eating said bowl of said ice cream with a warm breeze, preferably tropical, and good golly. I’m happy. That happiness lasts about as long as the sugar runs through my system. Then it’s back to whatever state I occupied before.
Stop trying to be happy. Work on being satisfied.
You might be unsatisfied with where you live. Maybe it’s where you work, how you look, who you love, or who doesn’t love you. It might be how you spend your time or what you don’t get to do.
I don’t get to wander enough back allies of places with people who don’t look like me, talk like me, or think like me, taking photos and learning about other cultures as much as I’d like.
That would make me happy, but I’m not sure it would give me what I want. I’d want more. And more. I’ll never be satisfied until I control my need for more. After all, what I wanted ten years ago is what I have now. And, unsurprisingly, it’s not enough. I refuse to believe that we can’t get our insatiable appetite for more under control.
Yes, it’s ironic that the person who talks every day about being better today than yesterday is encouraging us to be satisfied. BTTY is about being better, whatever that means to you. For me, that is, in part, the quest to enjoy the way the world is now. Not the way I think it could have been or constantly focusing on the way I want to be. Doing both of those means, I miss what is here and now.
Most of our perceived problems will work themselves out, one way or another. If you can do something about it, do it. If you can’t, well, what will worrying do? While I’m very happy eating Cherry Garcia, that’s not what I’m after. I’m after satisfaction. And that is work I need to do on the inside.
Satisfaction won’t come with a beautiful mountainside home in the desert or a bungalow on the beach. That will make me happy for a moment or two. Erich Fromm said it wisely,
"To have or to be? That is the question. The difference between having and being is the difference between a society that is geared to have more and a society that is geared to be more."
Satisfaction comes when I can focus my monkey mind on doing things that have meaning for myself and those around me. Being more, not having more. It means slowing down enough to see all that is good here and now and realizing what matters —relationships, meaningful work, and living our life to potential.
Our satisfaction is a factor of what we desire. The more we want, the more we need to be satisfied. The less we want, the less we need. That is inside work and something you can change today. Want more from yourself, don’t want more things.
Want to be more. Not have more.
Everything has a cost, and we don’t always pay in cash. We pay with our very selves. The cost is freedom, anxiety, relationships, time, and more.
Something to consider over the next bowl of your favorite flavor is what work you can do on the inside that will change how you see the outside.
Take care, friend. You aren’t alone.
The Happiness Hazard