2,240 Were World Class
2,240 women participated in March Madness. This small group of elite women reached the pinnacle and represented only .00000028% of the world's population. A young girl watching with 9 million of their friends last month (a record!) has nearly no chance of attending that dance. So why try?
There is no rational reason, but fortunately, humans have a unique ability to be irrational. For love, we often choose irrational paths. Sometimes we stay on those paths, and other times the world convinces us why ‘rational’ is better.
You Suck At Most Things
And so does everyone else.
If I put 100 tasks in front of you, likely, you aren’t good at most of them. And there is almost no chance you are world-class at one. That’s true for you, me, and everyone on the planet.
Unfortunately, society, media, and even our closest friends tell us a different story - look at this, at me, and this is easy—the athletes, artists, parents, and everyone in between. There’s no mal-intent (usually). We don’t get to see the whole journey - the first draft, the first try, or even that call from a friend at the right moment that keeps them from tapping out. The secret, everyone sucks when they start. Everyone.
I worry about the kids afraid of looking foolish because they see the ‘finished product’ in today’s media-rich world. Scratch that. I worry about everyone. The toddler, tweener, twenty-something, and even this guy approaching his 5th decade. When does our ego get in the way of joy or potential?
There is something liberating about recognizing your unspecialness.
Sitting with a special friend on the first warm (ish) day of the year, I came across this paragraph.
"The rare people who do become truly exceptional at something do so not because they believe they’re exceptional. On the contrary, they become amazing because they’re obsessed with improvement. And that obsession with improvement stems from an unerring belief that they are, in fact, not that great at all. It’s anti-entitlement. People who become great at something become great because they understand that they’re not already great—they are mediocre, they are average—and that they could be so much better." (Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck)
Whether you want to be a writer, athlete, or ‘just’ a parent trying to shepherd your kids into adulthood a little less messed up than you…it will be hard. The irrational path of better is not paved. It’s littered with trip hazards, potholes, and an internal voice trying to send you off the cliff in a burning fireball of failure. We are walking this path together. Here are two things we can do together.
1. Embrace Your Suck
Let’s check our ego at the door, pick up our bag of suck, and get to work - get obsessed with improving the right things…maybe some new things. A 1% improvement each day means that in a year, you will be more than 3 x better than you are today. It’s going to suck because you suck. Embrace it. Hug it, squeeze it, and hold it close. This is hard stuff.
Be warned. It may include late-night crying sessions when you don’t know how to keep going (said every parent, ever…I know I’m not alone…someone, please tell me I’m not alone). It will require friends to lean on, real or imagined. Right now, I’m channeling Stephen King - the sober one, not the alcoholic one writing for Playboy…but it worked for him! He sucked until he didn’t suck. Talk about reps. Good golly, that guy knows how to embrace the suck.
And with all of this, it may mean you still don’t make the ESPN highlight reel, publish that book, land that job, or whatever. Nothing is guaranteed except you have zero chance of living up to your potential if you don’t start.
Today, I’m trying to focus on living up to my potential as a friend, father, and partner. 1) I have work to do 2) the pay is higher, and 3) the dividends aren’t subject to quarterly earnings.
I’m accepting accountability partners for anyone that wants to keep me honest.
2. Be A Fan
Let’s celebrate progress. We all need fans on the irrational paths we choose. As those closest to you make progress, tell them. When you see excellence, call it out loudly. Whether it’s your kid, your coworker, the new barista, or that wonderful human staring at you as you floss - help them see the hole they have dug out of on their way to who they are trying to be.
Now grab your satchel of suck and get to work. And don’t forget that guy that just cut you off on your way to your 3rd Starbucks today; he’s doing the best he can too.
Embrace the suck, friend.
Onward, Kelly
The Reality of Us