"I made up my mind long ago to follow one cardinal rule in all my writing — to be clear. I have given up all thought of writing poetically or symbolically or experimentally, or in any of the other modes that might (if I were good enough) get me a Pulitzer prize. I would write merely clearly and in this way establish a warm relationship between myself and my readers, and the professional critics — Well, they can do whatever they wish."
— Isaac Asimov
Inspired by this, I asked a friend what cardinal rule he would apply across all areas of his life. His immediate answer was, "Confidence, laughter, and curiosity." I watch him be intentional about those words all the time. His consistency is absolute. And admirable.
Asimov's message is clear: do what feels true to you, not what earns applause. He wants to connect with his readers. He cares about that, not about impressing the critics.
What if you picked a word or two to guide you in all the significant areas of your life? Areas such as your job, relationships, health, time, finances, education, and even where you live.
I often lean on these words from Marcus Aurelius,
"If, at some point in your life, you should come across anything better than justice, honesty, self-control, courage-than a mind satisfied that it has succeeded in enabling you to act rationally, and satisfied to accept what's beyond its control - if better than that, embrace it without reservations-it must be an extraordinary thing indeed-and enjoy it to the full."
If you pushed me to choose one word, it would be courage.
I think we overlook courage every day.
Courage is someone with anxiety who manages to go outside. Courage is the humble coworker who asks for help. It’s the friend who has the hard conversation with you, and no one else will. Courage is the alcoholic who looks around the room at their family and says, "I need help,” instead of storming out.
Courage means digging deep into your own biases and defensive walls. This is uncomfortable and not easy. It may mean challenging your self-image as a "good" person. Most of us are good. We all have a little bad that needs fixing at some point, too.
For me, courage is about recognizing your fears and moving through them. It's about seeking the truth and understanding reality.
A new friend shared this with me this week.
"What is your emotional wake?"
It takes courage to see what it is like to be on the other side of yourself. To see how your words, actions, or inactions send ripples. We should give ourselves credit for the good ripples and be honest about the bad ones.
The other night, I apologized to Princess Buttercup for all the times it was tough to be around me—sometimes, it still is. She has had to endure the leftovers, whether after a long day of trying to lead a company or after a deployment. I was short, or negative, or downright grumpy. Maybe all of the above and then some.
We shouldn’t work on being perfect, only better. It takes courage to shine the light on the worst parts of you and see the 'reality of you.' The question is, do you have the courage to be honest with yourself and take responsibility for those realities? I think we owe it to our communities to do this work on ourselves. If we can do that, we all get better.
I haven’t solved any of this, but I’m working on it.
Take care, Kelly
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Your Wake