"Dying is easy. Living is the trick."
(Red Smith)
Hi friend,
Have you ever wondered who drinks the most coffee? This coffee party started in Ethiopia, and now you can find it growing in 70 countries and drank almost everywhere. Brazil produces the most coffee, and Finland drinks the most coffee at four cups daily. Our Scandinavian friends consume about 25 pounds of coffee per capita compared to the US at about 9 pounds.
There are many species of coffee, Arabica and Robusta being the two most prominent. Arabica is known for its smoother, sweeter flavor with hints of fruits and berries. In contrast, Robusta is characterized by its strong, bitter taste with a grainy or nutty aftertaste and about double the caffeine of Arabica. Generally speaking, that Starbucks you’re sipping is Arabica, and that instant coffee you keep in your go bag in case of emergencies is Robusta. I like to think I’m not the only one who does that. Right?
A decade ago, I found myself in a country that doesn’t drink much coffee. Like other parts of Central Asia, they prefer vodka and sometimes tea, with water being a close third. On this hot afternoon, I was under the tutelage of a man we will call Wayne. We were part of a close (ish) group of Americans in this small country. After a relatively brief discussion about the joys of coffee, Wayne offered to teach me how to roast coffee beans myself. Why?
Because if you want freshly roasted beans as an expat in a third-world country that prioritizes beverages made from potatoes, you learn to do it yourself. A few days later, I sat on the edge of his porch. A handful of green coffee beans rolled around in my hand. My feet were in the grass as I waited for a cast iron pan to warm up. Wayne was behind me, kindly giving me a few hours of his time. Wayne had a great big smile and radiated kindness.
Last week, I found out he passed away.
I would think of Wayne a few times a year. The sight of coffee beans always sparked it. Sometimes, I'm in line for Princess Buttercup at Starbucks or grinding fresh beans with my adventure partner to start the day. I clicked on the link to his eulogy, and there was that smile. Just then, a friend shared,
“My father believed everyone should write their eulogy.”
Sitting at my dining room table, I let out an audible “Huh.” What a marvelous idea. Thank you, universe.
This is from Steve Jobs’s commencement speech at Stanford,
“My third story is about death. When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like, If you live each day as if it was your last, Someday you'll most certainly be right.
It made an impression on me. And since then, for the past 33 years, I've looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, If today were the last day of my life, Would I want to do what I am about to do today? And whenever the answer has been no for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything, all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure, these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.
Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.“
Death is life’s greatest invention.
We can ignore death, but it won’t ignore us. There is no escaping, no stopping, and only a marginal ability to slow it down. It is only by wrestling with reality and our eventual death that we can be present. By cherishing our mortality, we truly live.
After reading Wayne’s eulogy, I wondered what my eulogy would say. What wouldn’t it say? Who would survive me? Who would go before me? What virtues would be called out? What would the story behind my story be? What would they say about my vocation? Would my family be proud of me?
What would I want to tell the kids? What haven’t they experienced yet that they may want the perspective of their Pah? What words might hug Princess Buttercup and help her celebrate our adventures, memories, and love?
(and yes, I’m crying as I write this)
A Challenge:
In about a month, we will make promises that we mostly won’t keep. Instead of New Year’s resolutions, let’s write our eulogies. Let’s put it on paper. Carve out time with some Arabica or Robusta to celebrate your life. Think about the people who left you, those who are still here, and consider how you want to spend the time you have left.
Death takes our friends and our future. It will come sooner than most of us want. Only a lucky few will say the things that need saying or have the time to consider the life they have lived. Few will realize the changes that must be made before it’s too late. Even fewer will make them.
More tears found me when I first read these last words from Carolyn in the book The Noonday Demon. She said them to her husband and two grown children moments before she died. She was 53.
“I want you to feel that my love is always there, that it will go on wrapping you up even after I am gone. My greatest hope is that the love I’ve given you will stay with you for your whole life. I’m sad today. I’m sad to be going. But even with this death, I wouldn’t want to change my life for any other life in the world. I have loved completely, and I have been completely loved, and I’ve had such a good time.”
As we head into the holidays, hug your humans. We can’t change what we’ve done but can change what we will do.
I hope you found this helpful. If you did, please hit like and share it with someone who will find it helpful, too. We’re in this together.
Take care,
Life's Greatest Invention